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Inappropriate Behavior as a
"Teachable Moment"
By: Norma Schmidt
Two boys in a first grade classroom were arguing loudly over an item they
both wanted to use at the same time.
Their teacher approached them in a friendly way and said, "Boys, it sounds like
you two are having a problem. Let's talk it out."
One of the boys told his side of the story, his face still tense but his voice
lowered to an "indoor" volume. The second boy listened and then, without any
prompting, came up with a solution to which the first boy readily agreed.
"Great job!" the teacher beamed. "See? You can talk it out!"
A TEACHING PERSPECTIVE CAN PRODUCE AMAZING RESULTS WHEN KIDS BEHAVE
INAPPROPRIATELY.
If we approach unwanted behavior from the perspective of our child's
judge/jury/jailer, our first impulse may be to punish.
But punishment doesn't teach kids what they SHOULD be doing. It doesn't expand
kids' problem-solving skills, teach them how to repair social mistakes, or
improve their social perception.
Fortunately, punishment isn't the only available tool.
WE CAN CHOOSE TO VIEW THE INAPPROPRIATE BEHAVIOR AS A "TEACHABLE
MOMENT."
When the teacher in the story above heard the two boys arguing, she spotted a
chance to teach better social problem-solving.
Inviting the boys to "talk it out" reminded them of their capacity to
problem-solve without shouting or arguing. They saw that "talking it out" could
work, and they were more likely to "talk it out" next time.
A teaching perspective has room for punishment in some cases, but the focus is
on helping kids learn the skills they need to behave appropriately.
If we view inappropriate behavior as a learning opportunity for the child, new
options open up.
HERE ARE TEN CHOICES FOR MAKING THE MOST OF A TEACHABLE MOMENT:
1. Redirect the child toward a more appropriate activity.
2. Inform the child that what they're doing "isn't a good idea" or "isn't safe."
3. Give a friendly reminder about the rule the child needs to be following.
4. Guide the child through the steps of apologizing.
5. Ask the child to consider how others feel when she engages in the
inappropriate behavior.
6. Help the child make amends to anyone negatively affected by the inappropriate
behavior. Ask, "What can we do to help (name of person) feel better now?"
7. In the case of a conflict, prompt the children to "talk it out," providing
assistance as needed.
8. Give a new rule, if the situation wasn't covered by the rules the child has
already been taught.
9. Invite the child to think of a better to way to ask for what they want or
need in the situation.
10. Teach the child appropriate words/behaviors to replace the inappropriate
ones.
The rules of appropriate social behavior take a long time to learn and an even
longer time to internalize as habits. Even adults don't do it perfectly!
When we use our child's behavior mistakes as opportunities to offer guidance,
we're giving our child their best chance to become more kind, responsible and
socially competent.
Author Bio
Norma Schmidt is a parent of two and a former Lutheran minister. Her career
includes serving as a pastor, campus minister and cancer center chaplain. She
has also worked with children with disabilities. Norma offers workshops on
parenting and on living with serious illness. Her writing has appeared in
"Coping with Cancer" magazine. Download her free report, "61 Great Ways to Teach
Kids about Money" and look through her other articles by going to
www.ParentCafeOnline.com.
Article Source:
http://www.ArticleGeek.com - Free Website Content
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